It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize