If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
