I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Even my vagina gasped.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
