Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
