I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
