If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
