We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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