The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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