all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
