No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
be right there i have to get my cape
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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