The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
