my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
