Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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