why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
