good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
