Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i came on her dog
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
