i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
