youre lurking in front of me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
