Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
not ubering you a puppy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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