wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
