Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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