Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize