We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
