Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
