So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize