they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
