He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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