Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
