At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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