that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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