the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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