I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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