Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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