I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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