Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
