remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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