I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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