i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
