last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
