dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
