I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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