There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
