this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
