i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
