Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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