Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
