a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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