Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
