Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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