she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
