i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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