I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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