it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
