Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
