I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
