thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
