Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
