piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
