I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
