Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
