i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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