idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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