he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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