ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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