everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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