when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
