I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
