fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
