We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
