I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
