I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
