Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
