I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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