If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
