You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
