I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
