I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
