we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
