I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
