The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
