I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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